To which Vincent thoughtfully replied as he continued, "Memories...yes we
shared many memories Catherine, good memories from when we were
children."
Vincent then continued, "I had a happy life as a young child growing up. It was
during my adolescence things seem to change somehow. And as I grew older
there were times when I questioned my own existence. I suppose it was because
of my becoming more and more aware of how different I was from everyone
else, I very often felt distinct, and set apart."
Pensively, with a furrowed brow, Vincent confessed, "Sometimes Catherine, I
would go by myself, and I would glare upon my reflection in the mirror pool,
and I would wonder why this had happened to me."
Catherine's heart ached for Vincent hearing how he must have felt. As she
looked at him however, what she saw was so entirely different. She saw a
beautiful man, whom she loved, with all she was.
And so Catherine's voice quaked with emotion, as she said, "It is hard to
understand how could you have felt that way, to me you are..."
With a tone of admonition, Vincent broke in to confirm, "You are viewing me
now through your kind loving heart Catherine, not your mind! It IS how I felt
back then Catherine, know it is true."
Thoughtfully, he continued, "Through the years, I have had to endure people's
reactions to seeing me. These incidents told me there was something ominous
about me, and there was something about myself which was to be feared on
some level."
Sadly, Catherine asked, "You are thinking of my reaction aren't you Vincent?"
Softly and sadly Vincent answered, "Yes, but know you were one of many
who have reacted toward me in a frightened manner. However Catherine, I
understood you were feeling so alone and frightened, apprehensive of all which
lay before you."
Catherine remembering this awful moment when she turned and screamed, she
knew there was no way to take back the hurt she caused him. Sadly, she
conveyed, "I know I hurt your feelings Vincent. I am so sorry."
Trying to ease Catherine's guilt, Vincent told her, "I DID understand, please
don't let it concern you. It is not an issue for me."
Vincent then thought for a moment, and mused, "I did however discover one
thing that day..."
Catherine tipped her head in wonder as she asked, "What was that?"
Rubbing the side of his head, where Catherine had struck him, he teasingly said,
"You have a good arm Catherine, and excellent aim."
Bending her head to hide her embarrassment, she told him, "You have never
mentioned that part of the incident before. I secretly hoped it had been a
nightmare, and had not really happened. I am so very sorry Vincent. I really
am."
Catherine could not look at Vincent. She truly was ashamed she had
instinctively re-acted in such a violent way! Especially, toward the man who had
saved her life, and took care of her during her recovery.
Humbly, Catherine explained, "You know my reaction was partly from just
seeing my own scars, and the extent of my injuries. I was horrified by what I
saw! Then when you approached from behind, I was deep in thought,
wondering how I was going to put my life back together! How was I going to
step back into my world, where so much power is placed on beauty and
perfection."
Vincent understood, and agreed, "I know it can not be easy living a good life in
the world above Catherine."
He then explained his point of view about the throwing incident, saying, "When
you struck me, it showed me you were a fighter, and you had strength within
you to survive. I could feel it within you. I knew then you were ready to return
to your world, and you would be all right."
Astonished by the fact, Vincent could feel any strength within her then,
Catherine replied, "I'm not sure how you knew. I certainly didn't! I was so
unsure how I was going to go on! How was I going to fit back in to my world
looking as I did..."
Vincent empathized with her, but confirmed, "I know those feelings Catherine,
all men have such a fear deep inside their hearts, the fear of rejection. We all
need to be accepted, and a child growing up even more so. I tell you this
because I want you to understand why the incident with Lisa, affected me so
profoundly all these years. Why I never felt worthy to be loved or to give love.
When a child is rejected, no matter what the reason, they tend to twist and
magnify its importance. They manage to warp its power, far beyond its realm,
and even after the tears have dried, the scars which remain, change you. Deep
down inside, rejection changes how you view yourself, and lessens ones worth.
Even if only in ones own mind."
Mindfully, Vincent continued, "But this knowledge is what feeds our heart, and
tell us who and what we are. When I harmed Lisa, it made me question what I
was. Was I a man, or a monster? When Lisa had pulled away so suddenly. I
thought she was reacting out of fear, and repulsion, but she revealed to me it
was because of shame, she pulled away. She felt ashamed she had these
feelings for me. Feelings she could not understand. In our community here
below, we had been brought up so closely, that her feelings made her feel
badly."
Catherine then asked the dreaded question, "How does Lisa feel about you now
Vincent, and you about her?"
Carefully, he told her, "Lisa and I, have come to realize the feelings between us
all these years, had been fueled by the rejection we had experienced. For me it
had been Lisa's reaction, which I had miss-interpreted."
He then added, "I believe I was seeking forgiveness and acceptance from her.
Which she granted me by graciously sharing and revealing her truths with me.
And Lisa too, had dealt with great pain all these years. She felt rejected from
Father when he had sent her away. Catherine, this weekend, had been a healing
time for all of us. Father now knows he could have handled things differently.
He has great regret for those days gone by, and Lisa and I, we have discovered,
the feelings between us all these years, were nothing more than childhood
needs, that had not been recognized. A need to be assured we were loved, and
could be accepted, despite the mistakes we made."
Vincent lowered his eyes for a moment, before looking back at Catherine, and
assured her, "Lisa and I are family to one another, nothing more."
Tearfully, Catherine looked downward, as she softly told Vincent, "I hoped
when I came to you tonight you would want me here Vincent. I wasn't sure if I
would be intruding upon you and Lisa. But still, I could not stay away. When I
heard Peter's message about a cave in here, my only thought was of you. I
prayed you were all right. I came despite everything, nothing else mattered, only
you."
After listening to Catherine's declaration of love, Vincent sadly whispered,
"Please know, even at my worst moment, even when I had been closed to our
bond, my heart belonged to you. It has since the day, from the very moment I
found you."
Catherine touched his cheek, and sincerely told him, "I believe I always knew it
Vincent, but I needed you to know it too."
To be continued...
Chapter Nineteen
shared many memories Catherine, good memories from when we were
children."
Vincent then continued, "I had a happy life as a young child growing up. It was
during my adolescence things seem to change somehow. And as I grew older
there were times when I questioned my own existence. I suppose it was because
of my becoming more and more aware of how different I was from everyone
else, I very often felt distinct, and set apart."
Pensively, with a furrowed brow, Vincent confessed, "Sometimes Catherine, I
would go by myself, and I would glare upon my reflection in the mirror pool,
and I would wonder why this had happened to me."
Catherine's heart ached for Vincent hearing how he must have felt. As she
looked at him however, what she saw was so entirely different. She saw a
beautiful man, whom she loved, with all she was.
And so Catherine's voice quaked with emotion, as she said, "It is hard to
understand how could you have felt that way, to me you are..."
With a tone of admonition, Vincent broke in to confirm, "You are viewing me
now through your kind loving heart Catherine, not your mind! It IS how I felt
back then Catherine, know it is true."
Thoughtfully, he continued, "Through the years, I have had to endure people's
reactions to seeing me. These incidents told me there was something ominous
about me, and there was something about myself which was to be feared on
some level."
Sadly, Catherine asked, "You are thinking of my reaction aren't you Vincent?"
Softly and sadly Vincent answered, "Yes, but know you were one of many
who have reacted toward me in a frightened manner. However Catherine, I
understood you were feeling so alone and frightened, apprehensive of all which
lay before you."
Catherine remembering this awful moment when she turned and screamed, she
knew there was no way to take back the hurt she caused him. Sadly, she
conveyed, "I know I hurt your feelings Vincent. I am so sorry."
Trying to ease Catherine's guilt, Vincent told her, "I DID understand, please
don't let it concern you. It is not an issue for me."
Vincent then thought for a moment, and mused, "I did however discover one
thing that day..."
Catherine tipped her head in wonder as she asked, "What was that?"
Rubbing the side of his head, where Catherine had struck him, he teasingly said,
"You have a good arm Catherine, and excellent aim."
Bending her head to hide her embarrassment, she told him, "You have never
mentioned that part of the incident before. I secretly hoped it had been a
nightmare, and had not really happened. I am so very sorry Vincent. I really
am."
Catherine could not look at Vincent. She truly was ashamed she had
instinctively re-acted in such a violent way! Especially, toward the man who had
saved her life, and took care of her during her recovery.
Humbly, Catherine explained, "You know my reaction was partly from just
seeing my own scars, and the extent of my injuries. I was horrified by what I
saw! Then when you approached from behind, I was deep in thought,
wondering how I was going to put my life back together! How was I going to
step back into my world, where so much power is placed on beauty and
perfection."
Vincent understood, and agreed, "I know it can not be easy living a good life in
the world above Catherine."
He then explained his point of view about the throwing incident, saying, "When
you struck me, it showed me you were a fighter, and you had strength within
you to survive. I could feel it within you. I knew then you were ready to return
to your world, and you would be all right."
Astonished by the fact, Vincent could feel any strength within her then,
Catherine replied, "I'm not sure how you knew. I certainly didn't! I was so
unsure how I was going to go on! How was I going to fit back in to my world
looking as I did..."
Vincent empathized with her, but confirmed, "I know those feelings Catherine,
all men have such a fear deep inside their hearts, the fear of rejection. We all
need to be accepted, and a child growing up even more so. I tell you this
because I want you to understand why the incident with Lisa, affected me so
profoundly all these years. Why I never felt worthy to be loved or to give love.
When a child is rejected, no matter what the reason, they tend to twist and
magnify its importance. They manage to warp its power, far beyond its realm,
and even after the tears have dried, the scars which remain, change you. Deep
down inside, rejection changes how you view yourself, and lessens ones worth.
Even if only in ones own mind."
Mindfully, Vincent continued, "But this knowledge is what feeds our heart, and
tell us who and what we are. When I harmed Lisa, it made me question what I
was. Was I a man, or a monster? When Lisa had pulled away so suddenly. I
thought she was reacting out of fear, and repulsion, but she revealed to me it
was because of shame, she pulled away. She felt ashamed she had these
feelings for me. Feelings she could not understand. In our community here
below, we had been brought up so closely, that her feelings made her feel
badly."
Catherine then asked the dreaded question, "How does Lisa feel about you now
Vincent, and you about her?"
Carefully, he told her, "Lisa and I, have come to realize the feelings between us
all these years, had been fueled by the rejection we had experienced. For me it
had been Lisa's reaction, which I had miss-interpreted."
He then added, "I believe I was seeking forgiveness and acceptance from her.
Which she granted me by graciously sharing and revealing her truths with me.
And Lisa too, had dealt with great pain all these years. She felt rejected from
Father when he had sent her away. Catherine, this weekend, had been a healing
time for all of us. Father now knows he could have handled things differently.
He has great regret for those days gone by, and Lisa and I, we have discovered,
the feelings between us all these years, were nothing more than childhood
needs, that had not been recognized. A need to be assured we were loved, and
could be accepted, despite the mistakes we made."
Vincent lowered his eyes for a moment, before looking back at Catherine, and
assured her, "Lisa and I are family to one another, nothing more."
Tearfully, Catherine looked downward, as she softly told Vincent, "I hoped
when I came to you tonight you would want me here Vincent. I wasn't sure if I
would be intruding upon you and Lisa. But still, I could not stay away. When I
heard Peter's message about a cave in here, my only thought was of you. I
prayed you were all right. I came despite everything, nothing else mattered, only
you."
After listening to Catherine's declaration of love, Vincent sadly whispered,
"Please know, even at my worst moment, even when I had been closed to our
bond, my heart belonged to you. It has since the day, from the very moment I
found you."
Catherine touched his cheek, and sincerely told him, "I believe I always knew it
Vincent, but I needed you to know it too."
To be continued...
Chapter Nineteen
| Where Rainbows End! By Sharon Holtz Chapter Eighteen |
