| Where Rainbows End! By Sharon Holtz Chapter Nineteen |
Reflectively, Catherine continued, “Before I left with Jen for the weekend, and I asked you to search your heart, I later hoped you didn’t resent me for pushing you to do something so painful.”
Catherine looked downward as she revealed, “While I was gone, I also did some soul searching, and am not proud of what I found...I found jealousies within my heart where Lisa is concerned.”
Upon hearing Catherine's painful admittance, Vincent tipped Catherine’s chin so he could look into her eyes, and said, “It was because of my frailties you felt that way. I despise the fact until I was able to resolve my mire of uncertainties, you suffered so...”
Vincent continued on with a heaviness in his sorrowful voice, saying, “...as I resolved my issues...it caused me to also wonder, if it is selfish of me, to try and fit into your life...whether it is in the stillness of night, or the starkness of day, I cannot stop wondering if I can ever be that man who is meant to journey with you through life, realizing all your dreams and desires. I know your heart Catherine, and it desires much. How can you be truly happy with the limits a life with me would dictate...”
Upon hearing Vincent's uncertainties, Catherine now understood, Vincent needed to know how much she cared him. After all, he had faced, and revealed much for her, it was now her turn to do so in kind.
So with tenderness, Catherine said, “I never knew how it felt to share a true connection with another person before I met you, but with you...I do, and being with you does make me happy. It’s the times you are apart from me that I aimlessly live my life. I miss you so much, and it is then, when I am alone, I feel the need for you the most.”
Catherine paused a moment before she went on, raising her beautiful eyes to capture his, she told him, “And at last, when we are together, what you give to me sustains me, and you fulfill me, you are everything I could ever hope for. You do know my heart Vincent, and you are right, it does want much.”
As Catherine smoothed the softness of Vincent’s hand, she tenderly told him, “Even with our limits, I have never been happier. If where we are now is our ultimate, know my happiness is beyond measure. I need you Vincent, I don’t want to live with out you. So, I will deal with my jealousies. I will do what ever it takes for us to survive Lisa’s return.”
Lovingly, and perhaps with a hint of humor, Vincent hesitantly explained, “About that...about Lisa's return that is...ahem, ironically...after all the anguish and uncertainties Lisa's return has caused us...I have something humorous to share...well perhaps not humorous, but rather a sort of an interesting happenstance has occurred, you see, Lisa's presence is no longer a concern to us, as she no longer will be living here below, ahem...Lisa has left the tunnels. What has happened is, a teaching offer at The School for the American Ballet in the Lincoln Center was made to her, and she accepted. She will return often to us, but she now will be living as a Top-Sider.”
Catherine was positive, her relief must have showed upon her face, as Vincent told her Lisa moved out of the tunnels. And so embarrassingly, she said, “What you must think of me. A part of me is so happy about this news. When I thought of how you would be seeing her daily, living side by side, left me feeling so...so...I guess the word I am searching for is jealous. And it caused me to question my decision of returning to my life above instead of staying here with you.”
With conviction, Vincent told her, “You will know when the time is right to sever your life to the world above, and come to the tunnels to live, it will be a most glorious day. Only if, and when you are sure and truly ready, only then, will it be right. I don’t want you to have any regrets. The cost would be too great.”
As Vincent continued, he sadly revealed, “I too had to be ready, and I can see it clearly now. I had too many uncertainties and doubts to resolve. There was just a brief moment in time, when I was unsure of my own worth, and let my childhood insecurities over-power everything, even our bond. Please forgive me.”
Lovingly, Catherine looked up into Vincent’s sorrowful eyes, as she revealed, “There is nothing to forgive, I had self-doubts too as a child.”
Upon hearing his beautiful Catherine had any issues in this area, Vincent asked in wonderment, “You?”
And so Catherine shared, “Of course...especially as a teen-age girl, I went through some things, and suffered a few rejections. I was always quite sensitive, but on the other hand, very stubborn too. So, as a result, I did not conform, or always fit in. Sometimes I wonder if some of those feelings ever really totally leave us...”
As Vincent tried to envision a young Catherine, with a smile in his eyes, Vincent said, “It's hard for me to imagine...”
A guarded smile crossed Catherine’s face as she said, “Well, it's true...”
Vincent looked at his Catherine, and smoothed the hair from her eyes, totally enthralled as he heard about her past, so softly he asked, “Tell me more about your childhood Catherine?”
Contemplatively, Catherine shared, "Well, after Mom died, Dad single handedly raised me, and there were some subjects that were hard to talk to him about, sooooo, I figured things out the best I could on my own.”
As a sadness settled in about Catherine, she thought of how really most of her life, she had been lonely, trying to find her way on her own. Then, when she and Vincent found each other, for the first time since her Mom had died, she felt centered, connected and contented. And it wasn’t until Lisa returned, that she felt anything could or ever would come between them...however, Catherine has since discovered that was no longer true. She found the bond they had formed, connecting their lonely searching hearts, was not indestructible after all.
And because Vincent could sense Catherine’s feeling of aloneness, his heart broke, because this time, he was the one responsible for her aching heart.
To be continued
Chapter Twenty
Catherine looked downward as she revealed, “While I was gone, I also did some soul searching, and am not proud of what I found...I found jealousies within my heart where Lisa is concerned.”
Upon hearing Catherine's painful admittance, Vincent tipped Catherine’s chin so he could look into her eyes, and said, “It was because of my frailties you felt that way. I despise the fact until I was able to resolve my mire of uncertainties, you suffered so...”
Vincent continued on with a heaviness in his sorrowful voice, saying, “...as I resolved my issues...it caused me to also wonder, if it is selfish of me, to try and fit into your life...whether it is in the stillness of night, or the starkness of day, I cannot stop wondering if I can ever be that man who is meant to journey with you through life, realizing all your dreams and desires. I know your heart Catherine, and it desires much. How can you be truly happy with the limits a life with me would dictate...”
Upon hearing Vincent's uncertainties, Catherine now understood, Vincent needed to know how much she cared him. After all, he had faced, and revealed much for her, it was now her turn to do so in kind.
So with tenderness, Catherine said, “I never knew how it felt to share a true connection with another person before I met you, but with you...I do, and being with you does make me happy. It’s the times you are apart from me that I aimlessly live my life. I miss you so much, and it is then, when I am alone, I feel the need for you the most.”
Catherine paused a moment before she went on, raising her beautiful eyes to capture his, she told him, “And at last, when we are together, what you give to me sustains me, and you fulfill me, you are everything I could ever hope for. You do know my heart Vincent, and you are right, it does want much.”
As Catherine smoothed the softness of Vincent’s hand, she tenderly told him, “Even with our limits, I have never been happier. If where we are now is our ultimate, know my happiness is beyond measure. I need you Vincent, I don’t want to live with out you. So, I will deal with my jealousies. I will do what ever it takes for us to survive Lisa’s return.”
Lovingly, and perhaps with a hint of humor, Vincent hesitantly explained, “About that...about Lisa's return that is...ahem, ironically...after all the anguish and uncertainties Lisa's return has caused us...I have something humorous to share...well perhaps not humorous, but rather a sort of an interesting happenstance has occurred, you see, Lisa's presence is no longer a concern to us, as she no longer will be living here below, ahem...Lisa has left the tunnels. What has happened is, a teaching offer at The School for the American Ballet in the Lincoln Center was made to her, and she accepted. She will return often to us, but she now will be living as a Top-Sider.”
Catherine was positive, her relief must have showed upon her face, as Vincent told her Lisa moved out of the tunnels. And so embarrassingly, she said, “What you must think of me. A part of me is so happy about this news. When I thought of how you would be seeing her daily, living side by side, left me feeling so...so...I guess the word I am searching for is jealous. And it caused me to question my decision of returning to my life above instead of staying here with you.”
With conviction, Vincent told her, “You will know when the time is right to sever your life to the world above, and come to the tunnels to live, it will be a most glorious day. Only if, and when you are sure and truly ready, only then, will it be right. I don’t want you to have any regrets. The cost would be too great.”
As Vincent continued, he sadly revealed, “I too had to be ready, and I can see it clearly now. I had too many uncertainties and doubts to resolve. There was just a brief moment in time, when I was unsure of my own worth, and let my childhood insecurities over-power everything, even our bond. Please forgive me.”
Lovingly, Catherine looked up into Vincent’s sorrowful eyes, as she revealed, “There is nothing to forgive, I had self-doubts too as a child.”
Upon hearing his beautiful Catherine had any issues in this area, Vincent asked in wonderment, “You?”
And so Catherine shared, “Of course...especially as a teen-age girl, I went through some things, and suffered a few rejections. I was always quite sensitive, but on the other hand, very stubborn too. So, as a result, I did not conform, or always fit in. Sometimes I wonder if some of those feelings ever really totally leave us...”
As Vincent tried to envision a young Catherine, with a smile in his eyes, Vincent said, “It's hard for me to imagine...”
A guarded smile crossed Catherine’s face as she said, “Well, it's true...”
Vincent looked at his Catherine, and smoothed the hair from her eyes, totally enthralled as he heard about her past, so softly he asked, “Tell me more about your childhood Catherine?”
Contemplatively, Catherine shared, "Well, after Mom died, Dad single handedly raised me, and there were some subjects that were hard to talk to him about, sooooo, I figured things out the best I could on my own.”
As a sadness settled in about Catherine, she thought of how really most of her life, she had been lonely, trying to find her way on her own. Then, when she and Vincent found each other, for the first time since her Mom had died, she felt centered, connected and contented. And it wasn’t until Lisa returned, that she felt anything could or ever would come between them...however, Catherine has since discovered that was no longer true. She found the bond they had formed, connecting their lonely searching hearts, was not indestructible after all.
And because Vincent could sense Catherine’s feeling of aloneness, his heart broke, because this time, he was the one responsible for her aching heart.
To be continued
Chapter Twenty
