| Where Rainbows End! By Sharon Holtz Chapter Nineteen |
Reflectively, Catherine continued, “Before I left with Jen for the weekend, and I asked you to search your heart, I later hoped you didn’t resent me for pushing you to do something so painful.”
Catherine looked downward as she revealed, “While I was gone, I did some soul searching, I searched my heart too. I am not proud of what I found within myself since Lisa’s return. I have found jealousies lie deep within my heart where she is concerned.”
Vincent tipped Catherine’s chin so he could look into her eyes, and said, “It was because of my frailties you felt that way. I despise the fact until I was able to resolve my mire of uncertainties, you suffered so.”
With tears in his eyes, Vincent continued on with a heaviness in his sorrowful voice, “You deserve so much Catherine. At times I wonder if I am the one who is meant to be a part of your life’s decree?”
The tears that had formed in Vincent’s eyes, slid down his downcast face, and he no longer could keep the anguish from filling his rich voice from trembling, as he said, “I have to wonder if I am being selfish. Whether it is in the dark stillness of night, or the starkness of day, my mind cannot stop wondering if I can ever be that man who is meant to journey with you through life, realizing all your dreams and desires. I know your heart Catherine, and it desires much. I have to wonder if you can be truly happy with the limits a life with me would dictate.”
Catherine felt a tear roll down her own cheek, as she wondered too how she could ever make Vincent understand her feelings for him.
With tenderness, she said, “I don’t believe I understood true love and happiness before I met you. When I am with you, I do feel happy.”
Wiping her tears away, she looked downward, deciding she wanted to reveal the things she didn’t want to tell Vincent before, fearing her need for him, would be a burden for him to bear. However, she now understood, Vincent needed to know how much she cared him. After all, he had faced, and revealed much for her, it was now her turn to do so in kind. She knew, there was no turning back now.
So passionately, Catherine continued, “It’s the times you are apart from me that I aimlessly live my life. I miss you so much, and it is then, when I am alone, I feel the need for you the most.”
Catherine paused a moment before she went on, raising her beautiful eyes to capture his, she told him, “And at last, when we are together, what you give to me sustains me, and you fulfill me, you are everything I could ever hope for. You do know my heart Vincent, and you are right, it does want much.”
As Catherine smoothed the softness of Vincent’s hand, she tenderly told him, “Even with our limits, I have never been happier. If where we are now is our ultimate, know my happiness is beyond measure. I need you Vincent, I don’t want to live with out you. So, I will deal with my jealousies. I will do what ever it takes for us to survive Lisa’s return.”
Lovingly, Vincent explained, “Lisa needn’t be a concern, she no longer lives here below, Lisa has left the tunnels. A teaching offer at The School for the American Ballet in the Lincoln Center was made to her, and she accepted. She will return often to us, but she now will be living as a Top-Sider.”
Catherine was positive, her relief must have showed upon her face, as Vincent told her Lisa moved out of the tunnels, and so embarrassingly, she said, “What you must think of me. A part of me is so happy about this news. I hated thinking you would be seeing her daily, living side by side again. Knowing it was her here with you, and not me.”
Shamefully, Vincent told her, “You must know I want you here with me for always.”
Catherine then confessed, “Since Lisa has been back, I find myself questioning my decision of returning to my life above.”
In a loving, understanding voice, Vincent replied, “When you are ready to sever your life to the world above, and come to the tunnels to live, it will be a most glorious day. Only if, and when you are sure and truly ready, only then, will it be right. I don’t want you to have any regrets. The cost would be too great.”
As Vincent continued, he sadly revealed, “I too had to be ready, and I can see it clearly now. I had too many uncertainties and doubts to resolve. There was just a brief moment in time, when I was unsure of my own worth. I let my insecurities over-power everything. Please forgive me.”
Lovingly, Catherine looked up into Vincent’s sorrowful eyes, as she revealed, “There is nothing to forgive, I have had self-doubts too.”
Vincent asked in wonderment, “You?”
With heavy emotion, Catherine shared, “As a teen-age girl, I too suffered rejections. I was always quite sensitive, but on the other hand, very stubborn too. So, as a result, I did not conform, or always fit in, and well, I had my heart broken a few times.”
Envisioning a young Catherine, with a smile in his eyes, Vincent asked, “Tell me.”
A guarded smile crossed Catherine’s face as she fulfilled his request, “Well, oh my it was so very long ago! Let’s see I was 11, and my first love was Jeff. He dropped me because I couldn’t run fast enough. Our team always lost in Pom Pom Pull-away because of me. Oh my Gosh, I haven’t thought of Jeff Carpenter in such a long time. Anyway, he was the first boy to break my heart, and...he was the reason I improved and increased my running speed.”
Vincent looked at his Catherine, and smoothed the hair from her eyes, totally enthralled as he heard about her past, so softly he asked, “Who else Catherine?”
Contemplatively, Catherine looked off, as she remembered, and looking back at Vincent, she continued, “Well this one is a bit more personal, and I was quite a few years older.”
Catherine could still feel the sadness, and the impact this sad event had effected her young heart. With an anxiety filled breath, she went on, “There was this one rough and tumble boy named Johnny Roberts. Everyone looked up to Johnny, and for some reason he really liked me. When he was around me he was actually very sweet! Sweet as long as no one else was around to hear him that is. Anyway, he wanted to go way beyond the kissing stage, and I didn’t! I was scared to death. Well there were plenty of other girls fawning over him, very happy to oblige, so that was the end for us. Oh that really crushed me for quite awhile really. Much longer than it should have. But Dad had been raising me all alone, and I didn’t have anyone I was comfortable to talk about such matters with, so I figured things out the best I could.”
As a sadness settled in about Catherine, thinking of how really all of her life, she had been lonely, trying to find her way. Then she and Vincent found each other, and for the first time she felt centered, connected and contented. And it wasn’t until Lisa returned, that she felt anything could come between them.
She since had discovered that was no longer true, the bond they had formed and connected their lonely searching hearts, was not indestructible after all.
Sensing Catherine’s feeling of aloneness, Vincent knew this time, he was the one responsible for her aching heart.
To be continued
Chapter Twenty
Catherine looked downward as she revealed, “While I was gone, I did some soul searching, I searched my heart too. I am not proud of what I found within myself since Lisa’s return. I have found jealousies lie deep within my heart where she is concerned.”
Vincent tipped Catherine’s chin so he could look into her eyes, and said, “It was because of my frailties you felt that way. I despise the fact until I was able to resolve my mire of uncertainties, you suffered so.”
With tears in his eyes, Vincent continued on with a heaviness in his sorrowful voice, “You deserve so much Catherine. At times I wonder if I am the one who is meant to be a part of your life’s decree?”
The tears that had formed in Vincent’s eyes, slid down his downcast face, and he no longer could keep the anguish from filling his rich voice from trembling, as he said, “I have to wonder if I am being selfish. Whether it is in the dark stillness of night, or the starkness of day, my mind cannot stop wondering if I can ever be that man who is meant to journey with you through life, realizing all your dreams and desires. I know your heart Catherine, and it desires much. I have to wonder if you can be truly happy with the limits a life with me would dictate.”
Catherine felt a tear roll down her own cheek, as she wondered too how she could ever make Vincent understand her feelings for him.
With tenderness, she said, “I don’t believe I understood true love and happiness before I met you. When I am with you, I do feel happy.”
Wiping her tears away, she looked downward, deciding she wanted to reveal the things she didn’t want to tell Vincent before, fearing her need for him, would be a burden for him to bear. However, she now understood, Vincent needed to know how much she cared him. After all, he had faced, and revealed much for her, it was now her turn to do so in kind. She knew, there was no turning back now.
So passionately, Catherine continued, “It’s the times you are apart from me that I aimlessly live my life. I miss you so much, and it is then, when I am alone, I feel the need for you the most.”
Catherine paused a moment before she went on, raising her beautiful eyes to capture his, she told him, “And at last, when we are together, what you give to me sustains me, and you fulfill me, you are everything I could ever hope for. You do know my heart Vincent, and you are right, it does want much.”
As Catherine smoothed the softness of Vincent’s hand, she tenderly told him, “Even with our limits, I have never been happier. If where we are now is our ultimate, know my happiness is beyond measure. I need you Vincent, I don’t want to live with out you. So, I will deal with my jealousies. I will do what ever it takes for us to survive Lisa’s return.”
Lovingly, Vincent explained, “Lisa needn’t be a concern, she no longer lives here below, Lisa has left the tunnels. A teaching offer at The School for the American Ballet in the Lincoln Center was made to her, and she accepted. She will return often to us, but she now will be living as a Top-Sider.”
Catherine was positive, her relief must have showed upon her face, as Vincent told her Lisa moved out of the tunnels, and so embarrassingly, she said, “What you must think of me. A part of me is so happy about this news. I hated thinking you would be seeing her daily, living side by side again. Knowing it was her here with you, and not me.”
Shamefully, Vincent told her, “You must know I want you here with me for always.”
Catherine then confessed, “Since Lisa has been back, I find myself questioning my decision of returning to my life above.”
In a loving, understanding voice, Vincent replied, “When you are ready to sever your life to the world above, and come to the tunnels to live, it will be a most glorious day. Only if, and when you are sure and truly ready, only then, will it be right. I don’t want you to have any regrets. The cost would be too great.”
As Vincent continued, he sadly revealed, “I too had to be ready, and I can see it clearly now. I had too many uncertainties and doubts to resolve. There was just a brief moment in time, when I was unsure of my own worth. I let my insecurities over-power everything. Please forgive me.”
Lovingly, Catherine looked up into Vincent’s sorrowful eyes, as she revealed, “There is nothing to forgive, I have had self-doubts too.”
Vincent asked in wonderment, “You?”
With heavy emotion, Catherine shared, “As a teen-age girl, I too suffered rejections. I was always quite sensitive, but on the other hand, very stubborn too. So, as a result, I did not conform, or always fit in, and well, I had my heart broken a few times.”
Envisioning a young Catherine, with a smile in his eyes, Vincent asked, “Tell me.”
A guarded smile crossed Catherine’s face as she fulfilled his request, “Well, oh my it was so very long ago! Let’s see I was 11, and my first love was Jeff. He dropped me because I couldn’t run fast enough. Our team always lost in Pom Pom Pull-away because of me. Oh my Gosh, I haven’t thought of Jeff Carpenter in such a long time. Anyway, he was the first boy to break my heart, and...he was the reason I improved and increased my running speed.”
Vincent looked at his Catherine, and smoothed the hair from her eyes, totally enthralled as he heard about her past, so softly he asked, “Who else Catherine?”
Contemplatively, Catherine looked off, as she remembered, and looking back at Vincent, she continued, “Well this one is a bit more personal, and I was quite a few years older.”
Catherine could still feel the sadness, and the impact this sad event had effected her young heart. With an anxiety filled breath, she went on, “There was this one rough and tumble boy named Johnny Roberts. Everyone looked up to Johnny, and for some reason he really liked me. When he was around me he was actually very sweet! Sweet as long as no one else was around to hear him that is. Anyway, he wanted to go way beyond the kissing stage, and I didn’t! I was scared to death. Well there were plenty of other girls fawning over him, very happy to oblige, so that was the end for us. Oh that really crushed me for quite awhile really. Much longer than it should have. But Dad had been raising me all alone, and I didn’t have anyone I was comfortable to talk about such matters with, so I figured things out the best I could.”
As a sadness settled in about Catherine, thinking of how really all of her life, she had been lonely, trying to find her way. Then she and Vincent found each other, and for the first time she felt centered, connected and contented. And it wasn’t until Lisa returned, that she felt anything could come between them.
She since had discovered that was no longer true, the bond they had formed and connected their lonely searching hearts, was not indestructible after all.
Sensing Catherine’s feeling of aloneness, Vincent knew this time, he was the one responsible for her aching heart.
To be continued
Chapter Twenty
