Meanwhile, as Catherine packed the last of her things, she thought back on the image of Vincent and Lisa dancing together...they seemed so close, and after what she had seen, Catherine was no longer sure if what Peter had surmised, was correct and perhaps...Vincent not mentioning the concert was intentional after all.
Now, Catherine felt so foolish for having gone! Though she loved the children, and though...yes they DID invite her, it was still Vincent's world she had entered.
And...most stunning and shattering of all, Vincent did not sense her presence there!
As Catherine put her suitcase by the door, it was then she heard a tap on her balcony door. Knowing it was Vincent, Catherine's heart raced, because of this unexpected happenstance, never thinking he would have left the tunnels during the children's concert!
And so before she turned around, Catherine dried her tears, and walked over to open the doors to her balcony.
And as she stood in the open doorway, Catherine couldn't really look at him, and so she sorrowfully looked downward, and greeted him simply by saying his name, "Vincent."
Suspecting Catherine had seen him dancing with Lisa, Vincent shamefully acknowledged, "You were down in the tunnels tonight..."
Tearfully, Catherine walked past him into the night air, and as she stood at the balcony wall for a moment, she then turned to him, and said, "I didn't think you knew I was there."
To which Vincent regretfully admitted, "Peter told me."
Intently, Catherine looked at Vincent, and through her tears she resignedly stated, "So it is as I feared...you never once felt or had a sense of me..."
Catherine then reflectively said, "You know Vincent...I stood there waiting for you to look my way, but you never did..."
Then in a softer melancholy tone, Catherine continued, "...since the night you found me in the park...the night you saved my life, you always knew when I was near...somehow...you just knew, and I always loved knowing this was so..."
With affirmation, Catherine continued, "...tonight though, when you were dancing with Lisa, you were closed to our bond...I never would have believed this could happen to us."
Tearfully Vincent helplessly said, "I don't understand Catherine! I cannot understand how I didn't have a sense of you when you were so near..."
As Vincent tried to find a valid reason, he searchingly whispered aloud, "How could this have happened..."
Stepping closer to Vincent, Catherine softly told him, "Because Vincent, it happened because of your feelings for Lisa. Don't you see?"
As they both wept openly, Catherine took Vincent's hands in hers, and calmly, she gently told him, "It is clear there are still things you must face."
Assuring Catherine, Vincent declared, "Things I must face? I cannot deny that, I have no secrets from you Catherine...I have shared those past demons with you."
As Catherine looked at Vincent, she sadly inserted, "I know you have...but I am thinking it is not with me you need to face them with..."
It broke Catherine's heart as she looked at Vincent, she knew how the past was tearing him apart, and she hated being the one to ask him to deal with it.
And so Catherine with care said, "I understand your feeling confused being with Lisa again, I do, I know Lisa was once a part of your life in a very large crucial way, and when she left, you never had the chance to face those feelings you had for her...but instead, you kept those feelings carefully hidden away. But now she is back, and those feelings cannot be ignored any more. Vincent you have to sort out all those emotions which have been securely tucked away...and to do that...well you need time...the kind of time where you alone can see and feel without me around to distract you..."
And then Catherine added, "...and so, I will give you that time..."
At the sound of Catherine's proposal, Vincent with emotion said, "I don't want the kind of time you speak of Catherine...I need you near..."
And because Catherine needed to stand firm, she explained by inserting, "Without the pull of my being here, you will have time to search and understand your heart and mind..."
To which Vincent worriedly questioned, "You make it sound as if you are literally going away..."
With a nod, Catherine confirmed his fears by saying, "I am Vincent..."
It was then Jennifer's voice came through the intercom, saying, "We are here Cath! New Jersey or Bust!"
Upon hearing Jennifer, Vincent vehemently and desperately bellowed, "New Jersey, you are going out of the city? Catherine...you mustn't leave as a means to help solve my issues! I don't want you to go!"
As Catherine cried in reply, she decreed, "And I don't want to leave! I don't want to go, but I also know I can't stay..."
To which Vincent replied, "I assure you, though my mind is clouded, my heart is not!"
Somehow, Catherine reined in her unruly emotions, and found the calm to say, "I believe you know your heart, but I want you to be certain in your mind too."
Then with a collected impassioned tone, Catherine continued, "...Vincent...one day, when we are ready, I am going to want all of you, and I hope one day you will want all of me too. But until you explore your feelings for Lisa, that can never happen."
Catherine then pointed out what she felt to be true, and continued, "There is something powerful between you and Lisa, something I am powerless to fight. She is between us, she has always been between us, even when she lived a continent away, she has always been right here."
Resignedly, Catherine demanded, "It is time, time to listen to your heart, and together with Lisa, perhaps put the past to rest...Vincent...though it's hard to admit right now, I believe my leaving is the only way, and soon you will realize I am right too."
And although he couldn't say it, he did know Catherine was right, and as Vincent saw her hurt and pain, he protectively embraced her, and with all the love he possessed in his heart, he tearfully whispered, "I promise you, upon your return, there will be no more doubts, no more demons. I will do what I must do to exorcise them. Just please come back to me safely."
To which Catherine looked back and imploringly responded, "Don't ever forget what you mean to me Vincent, what you will always mean to me."
And then she reluctantly said, "I have to go."
Neither one wanted to let go, but as they did, Vincent said, "Until we meet again...be well..."
As Catherine stood in the balcony's threshold, she softly cried, "Until then...good bye Vincent."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Much later now, below in his world, Vincent sat silently, overlooking the falls, thinking of how all the uncertainties within his heart, had caused so much disappointment to all those around him. Catherine's heartache, the children, who were saddened because he and Catherine both missed the concert, Father's disappointment, and Peter's indifference toward him.
Yes, suffice it to say, Peter was quite "put-out" with Vincent because of the way he allowed Lisa to come between himself and Catherine.
And then when Vincent informed Peter, that what they guessed was indeed correct, Catherine was upset seeing Vincent and Lisa dance...which caused a very protective Peter, to assert his Surrogate-Fatherly authority, telling Vincent, he better get it together, one way or another for Catherine's sake.
So yes, Vincent knew the time had come, to do what Jacob, Peter and Catherine had told him to do, listen to his heart, and let it guide him to find his truths!
Meanwhile, as Vincent sat, the silence of the roaring falls was broken with the sound of Lisa's voice. And as she stood behind him, Lisa said, "There you are. I have been looking for you."
She then stepped a bit closer, and cautiously asked, "Did you find Catherine?"
As Vincent stared off into the distance, he answered, "Yes, I found Catherine."
Inquisitively Lisa then asked, "I don't understand Vincent, why didn't she stay? The children were so disappointed. She is held in such high regard with them you know. So why did she disappoint them as she did?"
To which Vincent sadly relayed, "Catherine saw us in the library, she saw us dancing..."
As Lisa slowly stepped out onto the ledge to be at Vincent's side, she carefully replied, "I see. And now she is angry?"
Sadly, Vincent thoughtfully answered, "No, not angry, but rather saddened, and disappointed our bond had been broken tonight, and she is wondering why it happened."
Tragically, Vincent continued, "And now, I am questioning my heart, wondering how this could have happened. Perhaps it is time Lisa...time for us to talk about our past..."
He then turned to her, and confessed, "There are things you do not know about me, things you could not know."
Vincent then went on to explain, "So many years ago, when you left the tunnels, left me, left here, I lost myself. I could not face what I had done! I had so much guilt for hurting you, and I blamed my plight of what I was for what had happened, and...hated that I repulsed you."
As Lisa reached out to touch Vincent's arm, and pleaded, "Vincent it wasn't all your fault. Do tell me you know that."
In an effort to correct what Vincent had thought, Lisa then admitted, "And when you say you repulsed me, that could not be farther from the truth."
As Lisa hesitated a moment, she then continued, "I have been carrying regrets of that night with me as well. I feel so guilty things happened as they did."
To which Vincent questioned, "You Lisa, guilty?"
Humbly, Lisa looked back at Vincent, and for the first time in all of her life, she had to admit to a frailty, and it was difficult for her to continue. But she had demons to release as well, and she so badly needed to be free of them. She knew Vincent, was the only one who could help her, and truly understand.
So painfully, Lisa continued on, "Yes, you see, when I danced for you that night in the Great Hall, I was going to kiss you, as I had in my dreams...like in a real life Fairy Tale."
Vincent looked downward hearing what he always privately suspected, and yet feeling confused by her reaction to him on that day. And so he shyly asked, "It didn't seem that way, in fact it seemed as though you feared me."
Slowly, and with care, Lisa went on to say, "I didn't fear you Vincent, that night I wanted to kiss my Captivating Vincent with the most beautiful blue eyes."
In an effort to clarify these conflicting facts, Vincent stated, "But you pulled away from me. I saw the look in your eyes."
Explaining further, Lisa said, "The truth of that night is, I felt guilty for wanting to play out my Fairy Tale with you. What frightened me were the feelings I was having. I didn't know if what I felt, was right or wrong! After all, we grew up together, and the attraction I felt for you, confused and shamed me. That is why I pulled away so suddenly, and that is when you accidentally scratched me."
Bending his head in relief, because for the first time, his instincts were validated, and now he fully understood.
She hadn't pulled away out of disgust, but rather out of shame.
Vincent then thoughtfully replied, "I never would have believed you felt that way. If only..."
Cutting in, Lisa said, "I know, if only. But it is all true."
Lisa then asked, "Didn't you realize you were everything to me? You were my tutor, my protector, and my friend. However...as we grew up, I began to view you differently, I saw you in a new and an exciting light. You became my fantasy! Oh Vincent, I was just a young girl with this grandiose imagination, and you were just a beautiful boy. We didn't know what we were doing, we couldn't know the power of all these strange new feelings. All I knew was I loved when you, you this smart fascinating boy, liked watching me dance. I hoped if someone brilliant like you found me pretty and talented, then...maybe I was..."
Vincent raised his eyes to look back at her, and thoughtfully said, "You really were lovely, and danced just as beautifully..."
Appreciating his sweet words, Lisa softly said, "Thankyou for saying so Vincent..."
And it was then after a bit of pondering, Lisa questioned, "I often thought if Father hadn't showed up just then, perhaps we could have naturally sorted out our own feelings for one another. And we wouldn't have had to live with so much shame and painful uncertainties all these years."
With his head bent in sorrow, Vincent said, "But the truth is, I did harm you, and for that, I do blame myself."
Taking part blame, Lisa claimed, "I share in the responsibility of that night. It was all just an unfortunate accident. Nothing more. I never felt the need to cast any blame, although Father did! Yes he blamed me for everything that night, sending me off to that forsaken place in the middle of the night..."
Vincent recognized the pain Lisa must have had then, and so he imagined, "You must have felt so all alone."
She nodded, and with a faraway look in her eyes, she recalled the feelings of abandonment, and softly admitted, "Yes I did."
Seeing things through her eyes now, Vincent vehemently stated, "Father was so wrong! It should have been I who was banished!"
Shaking her head no, Lisa softly said, "I don't mean to be cruel, but where would you have gone? Father took what he thought to be the only option open to him, and that was to cast me away. But understand, I am not bitter toward Father, not really. I can understand why he did what he did. You were his son, he loved you, and he wanted to protect you! To Father, I was just this young girl he didn't know how to deal with or tame, and I believe on some level, he hated me for being close to you! Funny, but all I really wanted was to feel close to him. Yes Vincent, I always longed for Father's approval, and how I wished he wouldn't have hated me so. And I sense, after all this time, he still hates me!"
Softly Vincent assured her, "Father doesn't hate you."
Asking for a better explanation, Lisa questioned, "What then Vincent, if he doesn't hate me, then what? Even now, I sense this overwhelming feeling of disapproval from him. And I wonder why I STILL hold him in such high regard!"
Painfully, Lisa continued, "It is just so difficult to shed these feeling of guilt and rejection. They are the great illusionists you know Vincent, "Guilt" and "Rejection". They give us cause to misinterpret our true feelings."
Resignedly, Lisa revealed, "And this is what I have done. I know now, I have misread these feeling I have for you. I do love you, but I'm not "in" love with you. I don't feel toward you as Catherine feels."
Vincent looked at Lisa, and said, "You have healed a wound that has been inside of me, inside of my heart. A wound that has caused me to hurt Catherine terribly."
Lisa approached Vincent, and with much affection gave him a loving hug. Sincerely she said to him, "If only we could forget the past and not look upon to it with so much reverence."
Looking up at Vincent with hope in her eyes, she asked, "Can't we? Can't we just forget the sorrow of that night, and put it all behind us? I want it to be like it was when we were children. I long to feel close to you again Vincent."
Vincent took in Lisa's gaze, and returned it kindly, as he said, "Yes, I would like that as well."
Taking in a deep breath, she recognized, "A new beginning then."
In agreement, Vincent replied, "Yes a new beginning."
To be continued
Chapter Ten
| Where Rainbows End! By Sharon Holtz Chapter Nine |
