Upon hearing Rebecca's question, Vincent gently held Catherine's Winterfest Candle, and with much sorrow he told her, “Earlier I would have said yes, however due to the news Brigit has brought me tonight, I now believe it would be for the best, if I did not call on Catherine again.”
To which Rebecca astonishingly asked, “Brigit? You have seen her?”
As Vincent turned to Rebecca, and with a fatigue, he explained, “Brigit accepted Pascal's invitation to join us for Winterfest, and tonight she has arrived, and is staying in the Guest Chamber.”
In disbelief, Rebecca brought her hands to her face and said, “Oh no, wait until Mary hears about this! She is so worried about your reinstating the friendship you once had with Brigit. Perhaps I shouldn't say, but Mary says she is a conniving seductress!”
Vincent looked down sheepishly into his hands, as he recalled all the “Brigit Trappings” and “Alluring Offers of Comfort” of which he has resisted thus far, and how Mary's womanly intuition was actually quite amazing, for she had accurately predicted Brigit's intentions toward him, very early on!
As Vincent looked at Rebecca, he reassuringly said, “Please Rebecca, tell Mary, not to be concerned, as I believe Brigit has had a change of heart...she is quite penitent. And remind her of my own intuitive nature.”
To which Rebecca with a demeanor of camaraderie vowed, “I will do my best...”
And then Rebecca asked, “…earlier you mentioned Brigit told you something about Catherine...”
To which Vincent sadly replied, “Brigit had spoken with Catherine at an art exhibit this evening...and Catherine was with her ex-fiancé.”
As Rebecca touched his arm, she with sincere regret, said, “I am sorry Vincent."
With downcast eyes, Vincent replied, “It is because of my own doing I have lost Catherine, and now I must find a way to live with this outcome."
In reply, Rebecca tragically smiled, and with an aweing tone, said, “Let me know if there is anything I can do."
Mournfully, Vincent nodded and said, “You already have Rebecca, thank you for bringing what was to be Catherine's Winterfest Candle to me."
As Rebecca walked away, tears were streaming down her face as she ventured through the tunnels toward Mary's chamber, to fill her in on the unexpected Guest, who was currently residing in the Guest Chamber!
Meanwhile, Vincent, now alone, stood heavy hearted, as he untied his vest, and sat down at his table, thoughtfully picking up Catherine's candle.
Holding it in his hands, he thought back to how happy they were when they spoke of Winterfest during the Thanksgiving Holiday. It was to be Catherine's first Winterfest, and Vincent so badly wanted to present this special candle to her. Now regretfully he never will...thoughtfully, Vincent then opened his journal, and he wrote:
Dearest Catherine,
How can I describe this aching within my heart . An ache I must live with the rest of my life, knowing because of who you are, and who I am...we can never be.
Though this connection between us is real, it can never be expressed to one another again.
Catherine...I don't know how to recover and pick up the pieces of my heart, when you have stolen a part of it away from me.
Yes, you stole my heart from the very first moment you came into my sight... the blushing of your cheeks, and the gentleness in your eyes, how am I to forget these visions? In truth I cannot. They shall be with me always haunting and taunting me, keeping me awake in the lonesome darkness of the night.
S omehow Catherine, I must live with this pain, knowing I have lost you, because of a weak moment of self-indulgent pity, and under the guise of nobleness, I sent you away from me. I was blinded to the truth that you loved me, as I loved you.
Now it is too late for me, I have destroyed our dream, and you are finding a new life.
And it's just as it should be, a life with no sacrifices, where you shall bear another man's brace of kinsmen, as it never could have been mine. Somehow through this pain, I will go on remembering what we had, knowing that once there was a woman named Catherine, who was so very beautiful, and who gave me everything there was to give, everything...
All my love forever
Be well Catherine,
Vincent
Vincent closed his eyes, and then his journal, sorrowfully bending his head as
he sat all alone in his dimly lit chamber.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Meanwhile, as Catherine said goodnight to Steven, she turned her head just in time, for Steven's kiss to land on her cheek, instead of his intended target, Catherine's lips!
Oh yes, Catherine was on guard for such a thing, because of knowing Steven's pushy nature, Catherine thought he may try to turn this friendship into something more, more than what she offered him.
And so feeling duped into a supposed friendship, Catherine needed to let Steven know, he pushed too far! And so she angrily said, "Steven! I couldn't be clearer there will never be anything more than a friendship between us, but now after you try to kiss me, I can see you do not want to honor the boundary I have set. And even though you are ill, I will not see you any more."
Upon realizing he was blowing it, humbly, Steven apologized, and begged, "Please don't discard me too Cathy! I don't know if it's this medicine I am on, or if the disease is spreading, but sometimes I confuse the present with the past! I am sorry...please just one more chance. Forgive me?"
And then Steven started coughing, and seemingly had trouble catching his breath, causing Catherine to come to his aid, until he calmed down.
Compassionately, Catherine replied to his repeated pleas of forgiveness, saying, "Don't worry about all this now, just go home and get some sleep."
Upon closing the door to his car, Catherine started to walk up the sidewalk when Steven rolled down the window to ask once more, "Please Cathy...just friends, I promise not to try to kiss you again. Please...can I call you?"
Without making a promise, Catherine simply said, "Get some rest, I will check on you soon, goodnight."
As the window rolled back up, Steven sat there for a moment or two, until he finally pulled away. Relieved he had left, Catherine contemplated this supposed friendship she had gotten into.
So after unlocking the front door, and stepping into the foyer, Catherine saw the light was on in her Dad's study. And after making herself known, with care she asked, "Enjoying some reading Dad?"
To which he replied, "Yep! Revisiting an old friend, Chief Joseph by William R. Swagert. You know I have been wanting to dig out this book since Thanksgiving, after the stirring conversation Vincent had with the kids..."
And because Charles brought up Vincent's name, knowing his daughter would want to know, he then added, "Speaking of Vincent, I am sorry to say, there hasn't been any word from Peter yet...maybe tomorrow."
With a nod, Catherine cordially agreed, saying, "Maybe tomorrow..."
And it was then Charles wanted to lighten the tone, and so he asked, "Did you have a nice time tonight honey?"
To which Catherine almost mentioned seeing Brigit, but for her Dad's sake, didn't want to show her heavy heartedness over this happenstance. And so instead she smiled, as she relayed, "Always have chuckles when I am around Jenny, but she and Steven still rub each other the wrong way..."
Upon thinking back on it, Charles recalled, "Oh yeah, Jennifer never did like him did she?"
Catherine giggled a bit, as she said, "No she did not! And well Steven always knew that, but never really tried to help his case any...even tonight, now that he is ill, he didn't try to be nicer or anything toward Jen."
In response, Charles said, "Guess chalk it up to oil and water!"
With a nod, Catherine said, "Suppose so...well I am tired, and I think I am ready for bed...how about you?"
To which Charles replied, "I'll be going to bed shortly, just gonna finish this chapter."
Lovingly Catherine kissed her Dad's forehead, and said, "See ya in the morning."
Upon closing the door of her girlhood room, Catherine now finally alone, sat down at her old desk and cried into her hands.
The pain from missing Vincent, hurt so much, and the future loomed in front of her like a long lonely road.
As she looked into the desk drawer for a handkerchief, she uncovered her old diary, the one she kept as a young girl, and a smile came to her as she looked at the old trusted friend.
Over to see Catherine's Diary
She then flipped through it, and then went to her last entry, which was written when she was the age of twelve. She sadly read:
Monday Dear Diary:
EnniferJay told me that OllyMay told her, that IlbertGay likes me!
All I can say about this info, is ROSSGAY! He is so immature!
There is not even ONE boy in OUR grade that
I have anything in common with!
Not one of them have that Romeo thingy.
If only the boys were different...or maybe...if only I were different...
and could be carefree like everyone else seems to be!
No one else seems to care about anything very much.
I guess it is because there is no one else I know,
who has lost their Mom and feel alone like I do.
Jenny tries to relate, but she is so in love with Jimmy Ames,
that she is floating somewhere in outer space!
And Dad is wonderful and great, but I can't tell him how I feel!
He's lonely and misses Mom too, so I try to be cheerful for him,
and many times I know that I fool him
because I heard him tell Aunt Elaine, I am doing fine,
that children are resilient and seem to adjust to losses.
But I know I am not fine, I am lonely and feel sad.
But no way, am I going to go tell Dad! No Way!
So anyway, when I do find my Romeo, he must be different like I am,
in his heart, and feel things like I do.
Not just some jock who can only think and talk about sports!
I imagine him, and what my Romeo will be like, and sometimes,
I even dream about him too. And even though I never see his face,
I know when I find him, I will know him,
because my heart will beat so loud he will hear it!
And I will ask him, "Are you my Romeo?"
And He will say,
"Yes, and I know you, you are my Lady, you are my love."
Just like Romeo would say.
Well, good night for now Dear Diary.
I better study, Science test tomorrow! Yech!
Catherine cried as she read the words of the lost lonely little girl she once was, and felt her still, residing there inside her heart.
And so upon turning to the next page, she looked in the drawer, and found her old red pen. After doing several doodle circles with it, she got it to work again.
And so with tears in her eyes, she poised herself, and then she tragically wrote:
Well, Dear Diary,
This is 20 and some odd years later,
and I did find that Romeo I was looking for,
and he was everything I wanted and needed him to be...
however...what we had, has now ended and is over...
Now I am alone, with just a memory
of how beautiful love can be,
and the painful void that losing it can cause, as well.
To think I will never look into his beautiful eyes again,
which revealed his brilliance, and love for me...
Somehow my memories will have to sustain me,
along with knowing
I had been loved by this most magnificent man,
who's only flaw was...he loved me too much...
Good night Dear Diary....old friend
Catherine then tucked her little diary, sacredly away, back into the drawer she had taken it from.
As she turned off her desk lamp, she walked over and curled up on her bed, pulling the frilly quilted bedspread up over her, crying herself to sleep in the darkness of her girlhood room, like she had done for different reasons, so many lonesome nights before.
To be continued
Chapter Fifteen
| d |
| d |
| My Diary |
| Master of my Heart! By Sharon Holtz Chapter Fourteen ___________________________________________ |
Dearest Catherine,
How can I describe this aching within my heart . An ache I must live with the rest of my life, knowing because of who you are, and who I am...we can never be.
Though this connection between us is real, it can never be expressed to one another again.
Catherine...I don't know how to recover and pick up the pieces of my heart, when you have stolen a part of it away from me.
Yes, you stole my heart from the very first moment you came into my sight... the blushing of your cheeks, and the gentleness in your eyes, how am I to forget these visions? In truth I cannot. They shall be with me always haunting and taunting me, keeping me awake in the lonesome darkness of the night.
How can I describe this aching within my heart . An ache I must live with the rest of my life, knowing because of who you are, and who I am...we can never be.
Though this connection between us is real, it can never be expressed to one another again.
Catherine...I don't know how to recover and pick up the pieces of my heart, when you have stolen a part of it away from me.
Yes, you stole my heart from the very first moment you came into my sight... the blushing of your cheeks, and the gentleness in your eyes, how am I to forget these visions? In truth I cannot. They shall be with me always haunting and taunting me, keeping me awake in the lonesome darkness of the night.
Somehow Catherine, I must live with this pain, knowing I have lost you, because of a weak moment of self-indulgent pity, and under the guise of nobleness, I sent you away from me. I was blinded to the truth that you loved me, as I loved you.
Now it is too late for me, I have destroyed our dream, and you are finding a new life.
And it's just as it should be, a life with no sacrifices, where you shall bear another man's brace of kinsmen, as it never could have been mine. Somehow through this pain, I will go on remembering what we had, knowing that once there was a woman named Catherine, who was so very beautiful, and who gave me everything there was to give, everything...
All my love forever
Be well Catherine
Vincent
Now it is too late for me, I have destroyed our dream, and you are finding a new life.
And it's just as it should be, a life with no sacrifices, where you shall bear another man's brace of kinsmen, as it never could have been mine. Somehow through this pain, I will go on remembering what we had, knowing that once there was a woman named Catherine, who was so very beautiful, and who gave me everything there was to give, everything...
All my love forever
Be well Catherine
Vincent
Monday Dear Diary:
EnniferJay told me that OllyMay told her, that IlbertGay likes me!
All I can say about this info, is ROSSGAY! He is so immature!
There is not even ONE boy in OUR grade that
I have anything in common with!
Not one of them have that Romeo thingy.
If only the boys were different...or maybe...if only I were different...
and could be carefree like everyone else seems to be!
No one else seems to care about anything very much.
I guess it is because there is no one else I know,
who has lost their Mom and feel alone like I do.
Jenny tries to relate, but she is so in love with Jimmy Ames,
that she is floating somewhere in outer space!
And Dad is wonderful and great, but I can't tell him how I feel!
He's lonely and misses Mom too, so I try to be cheerful for him,
and many times I know that I fool him
because I heard him tell Aunt Elaine, I am doing fine,
EnniferJay told me that OllyMay told her, that IlbertGay likes me!
All I can say about this info, is ROSSGAY! He is so immature!
There is not even ONE boy in OUR grade that
I have anything in common with!
Not one of them have that Romeo thingy.
If only the boys were different...or maybe...if only I were different...
and could be carefree like everyone else seems to be!
No one else seems to care about anything very much.
I guess it is because there is no one else I know,
who has lost their Mom and feel alone like I do.
Jenny tries to relate, but she is so in love with Jimmy Ames,
that she is floating somewhere in outer space!
And Dad is wonderful and great, but I can't tell him how I feel!
He's lonely and misses Mom too, so I try to be cheerful for him,
and many times I know that I fool him
because I heard him tell Aunt Elaine, I am doing fine,
that children are resilient and seem to adjust to losses.
But I know I am not fine, I am lonely and feel sad.
But no way, am I going to go tell Dad! No Way!
So anyway, when I do find my Romeo, he must be different like I am,
in his heart, and feel things like I do.
Not just some jock who can only think and talk about sports!
I imagine him, and what he will be like, and sometimes,
I even dream about him too. And even though I never see his face,,
I know when I find him, I will know him,
because my heart will beat so loud he will hear it!
And I will ask him, "Are you my Romeo?"
And He will say,
"Yes, and I know you, you are my Lady, you are my love."
Just like Romeo would say.
Well, good night for now Dear Diary.
I better study, Science test tomorrow! Yech!
But I know I am not fine, I am lonely and feel sad.
But no way, am I going to go tell Dad! No Way!
So anyway, when I do find my Romeo, he must be different like I am,
in his heart, and feel things like I do.
Not just some jock who can only think and talk about sports!
I imagine him, and what he will be like, and sometimes,
I even dream about him too. And even though I never see his face,,
I know when I find him, I will know him,
because my heart will beat so loud he will hear it!
And I will ask him, "Are you my Romeo?"
And He will say,
"Yes, and I know you, you are my Lady, you are my love."
Just like Romeo would say.
Well, good night for now Dear Diary.
I better study, Science test tomorrow! Yech!
Well, Dear Diary,
This is 20 and some odd years later,
and I did find that Romeo I was looking for,
and he was everything I wanted and needed him to be...
however...what we had, has now ended and is over...
Now I am alone, with just a memory
of how beautiful love can be,
and the painful void that losing it can cause, as well.
To think I will never look into his beautiful eyes again,
which revealed his brilliance, and love for me...
Somehow my memories will have to sustain me,
along with knowing
I had been loved by this most magnificent man,
who's only flaw was...he loved me too much...
Good night Dear Diary....old friend
This is 20 and some odd years later,
and I did find that Romeo I was looking for,
and he was everything I wanted and needed him to be...
however...what we had, has now ended and is over...
Now I am alone, with just a memory
of how beautiful love can be,
and the painful void that losing it can cause, as well.
To think I will never look into his beautiful eyes again,
which revealed his brilliance, and love for me...
Somehow my memories will have to sustain me,
along with knowing
I had been loved by this most magnificent man,
who's only flaw was...he loved me too much...
Good night Dear Diary....old friend