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So finally alone, Catherine asked, "You've become so quiet...are you alright?"
Hoping to put Catherine's concerns to rest, Vincent, in a very concise manner, said he was fine...just fine.
So breaking their gaze, he tried to hide what he was really thinking. Yes, since his commitment to Catherine, there were times when doubts of his self-worth haunted him, causing him to question if it was right to keep Catherine from exploring other pathways she would have otherwise traveled, had they not met.
Unfortunately once he started on this dark, downward spiral of doubts, it was very difficult for him to stop. But he knew it would pass in time, he just needed time to rationalize it away. But Catherine, who always felt it best to talk things out, didn't allow him this luxury tonight, and asked again,"I know there is something, please, talk to me."
With a pleading but stern edge to his voice he answered, "You already know what it is. Don't ask me to say it."
It was true. Catherine sensed it was because of the family photo album, and all that implied. Her baby pictures, a traditional family life, a home, and children. These were painful subjects for Vincent, because they were things he was unable to fulfill for her. And so she said, "I believe I do...is it about my family, and the photos?"
To which, though Vincent didn't answer, he didn't need to, the look in his eyes said it all. And so Catherine told him, "None of those conventional things are important to me, not anymore...please believe me..."
And though Vincent believed this was how Catherine may feel NOW, his concern was for the future...and so with nothing hopeful to say, he stepped out into the chilly night air, and as the night's darkness had overtaken the day, so had a pall over-shadowed his heart.
And so because he walked out without a reply, she followed him to ask, "You DO believe me..."
To which Vincent finally replied, "I believe you WANT to believe those things no longer matter Catherine..."
Not knowing exactly what Vincent meant by that, Catherine then stated, "They don't matter! And I DO believe it..."
In addition, Catherine then challenged him by saying, "...and if it's true through our bond, you know my heart...then you know I believe it."
In reply, he softy said, "I do know your heart, Catherine..."
And as he tried to hide his anguish, he continued, "...and I know it is because of your feelings for me, you are willing to let go of your other dreams. It pains me to think, that because of me, you will not DO all the things, you were meant to do, or BE the things you could've been, a bride, a wife, a mother...the sacrifice...the sacrifice is immense."
Catherine tried to search for the right words to say, but nothing seemed right, until finally, she asked, "If our relationship is enough for you, why can't you accept that it is enough for me?"
In reply, Vincent firmly replied, "Catherine...it's not the same..."
To which Catherine urgently asked, "Why isn't it the same?"
Upon hearing Catherine's sweet naive question, Vincent turned, and with his hands flayed out at his side, he lamented, "Because!...Because I have limitations, and you don't!"
Then in a softer, resigned tone, he continued explaining, "I heard the tenderness in your voice as you reminisced about your family, we can never have memories like those. And the picture of you as a baby...you were so beautiful, you have your mother's smile. And Catherine, as your mother's beauty was passed on to you, your beauty will never be passed on to a future generation. And this void in your life, makes me weep for you."
Upon thinking of their connection, and how powerful it is, Catherine asked, "Void? How can you say that? When I am with you, I don't feel a void"
Vincent still feeling the rumblings of frustration inside, wanted Catherine to understand, and so he asked, "Can you really be sure that in the future you will not long to be a mother? I know those feelings of wanting to be a father, I want it so badly at times it hurts, and I have always known it would never be a possibility for me. Still, I dream of it...I long for it. Haven't you always imagined you would one day bear a child?"
Catherine couldn't deny it. Yes, she always did believe one day she would have a child. She was as sure of that as she was of her feelings for Vincent. And so she conceded that fact to him, by admitting, "Yes, I have."
But what she didn't tell him, was the baby she'd envisioned having, was his. For some reason she couldn't say it out loud...not now, She knew he would never accept hearing this tonight.
Catherine then went on to say, "If I give up that choice for myself, how would this be any less of a life? I could still feel complete beside you."
Resign-fully, Vincent then pondered aloud, "In truth, there are times when I wonder if I am being selfish...this dream we're sharing, is my dream...a romantic notion, that should come to an end, for your sake."
Tearfully, Catherine replied, "You are wrong, it's not just your dream, you must know it's my dream too...don't you?"
So as Catherine waited for a reply that never came, now it was she who turned and walked away.
Needing time to herself, Catherine just began walking down the endless beach. As the chilly air dulled her senses, she walked and walked until she came to a pier. Sitting down at the end of the long planked dock, she listened to the movement of the waves against the rocks. Catherine marveled at how pitch black was the night with nothing but the moon and stars for light, and as she looked up at the border-less sky, she never felt so small, or so alone.
Meanwhile, Vincent stood, contemplating his transgressions, and he now realized how foolish he was to push Catherine away like he had. And so he turned and went after her, hoping he wasn't too late for Catherine to forgive him.
Tracing her steps, he called out her name, until finally, he saw her silhouette at the end of the pier, and as he sat down beside her, he asked, "I was calling for you, why didn't you answer?"
Still looking straight ahead, Catherine simply said, "I guess I didn't know what more I could say."
Vincent then humbly said, "When you left me standing there, I was forced to see it would be my insecurities that would destroy our dream, more so than my differences."
To which Catherine replied, "We all have insecurities Vincent, we all do. And when you push me away because you think it would be best for me, well, it hurts me very deeply."
Thinking he may have a shot at being forgiven, Vincent then asked, "Can you forgive me for being so self indulgent, thinking only of myself and my feelings?"
Upon hearing his reason, caused Catehrine to erupt, "Vincent! That's the problem! You're NOT thinking of youself! You're NOT fighting for your and MY dream! You only fight for what you BELIEVE is best for me! Let me decide what is best for me!"
And because he wanted so badly to be forgiven, with a humble nod, Vincent replied, "I can do that..."
Wondering if he could, Catherine asked, "Can you? Can you really?"
In an attempt to warm her heart, Vincent charmingly asked, "If I say yes, does that mean you will forgive me?"
Causing Catherine to break a smile, she said, "Vincent...Vincent, you infuriate me at times, but yes, I forgive you."
Happy once more, Vincent thought of how he saw Catherine in a new light this night. For the first time, he understood she was just as just as vulnerable as he. And as they sat and talked there on the pier, he realized, Catherine needed and wanted him just as much as he did her. No one had the right to tell another who they should love, or should live without. Everyone has the right to answer destiny's call, wherever it might lead them, and now he could accept his destiny was with Catherine and hers was with him.
As Vincent held her in his arms, he looked up into the heavenly skies, and said, "Look at the stars, they are quite brilliant tonight."
Looking up, Catherine agreed, and commented, "Yes, even more so than they were last night I think."
As a childhood memory surfaced, she then softly said, "It's because they are wishing stars."
Clarifying, Vincent asked, "Wishing stars?"
With a smile, Catherine explained, "When I was a little girl, my Dad told me when stars were as bright as these stars are tonight, they were primed, ready and waiting to grant someone a wish, grant someone their hearts desire. So, make a wish Vincent."
As Vincent turned his gaze back to the heavens, he contemplated his request.
Wondering, Catherine asked, "What did you wish? Can you tell me?"
Turning his gaze from the stars down to Catherine, Vincent answered softly, "It appears my wish has been granted even before I could request it. Being with you like this, keeping you safe, warm and happy, this is all I want..."
Looking up at Vincent, Catherine replied, "Awe, that is so sweet..."
Vincent looking back asked, "And you? What would your wish be this night Catherine?"
Smiling, Catherine, replied, "I may save my wish for another time, right now I am so happy, I cannot think of anything more to ask for."
As Vincent heard Catherine's answer, he smiled to himself, feeling so blessed they were happy again.
So as they enjoyed their time alone a bit longer, they both realized, they were most likely being missed, and should head back.
Well, the moment they entered the cabin, Jamie excitedly asked, "Pascal, Mouse and I, wondered if we could start a fire Catherine? Outside, on the beach, like the ones you told us about?"
In reply, Catherine said, "Sure, a bonfire! That sounds fun, and it may be a while till Peter, Father and Mary come back, so let's do it."
So happily, Catherine lead the way out to the spot where many past bonfires had been held. They all had fun gathering drift wood, and Mouse with a raccoon on his shoulder helped gather some too. What a cute site they made!
When the stacked wood began to flicker, and the blaze took hold, they all sat around the fire, telling tales, as they watched the dancing flames.
And it was then Mouse, in a sing-song manner, said, "Remember Catherine? Remember the marshmallows?
Rolling her eyes, Catherine expounded, "Oh thank you for reminding me Mouse! I'll be right back!"
So after passing out skewers to everyone, she then happily demonstrated the art of roasting. Oh my! The tunnel folk never had such a treat!
Meanwhile, Peter returned with Mary and Jacob, and they commented on the magnificent bonfire the children had built. And it was Mary who excitedly suggested, "Let's join them shall we?"
As Jacob trailed behind, he was beginning to feel like a third wheel, as he struggled to keep up with Mary and the energetic Doctor!
Upon nearing the campfire bunch, Peter cheerfully said, "Hello all! Roasting marshmallows around the fire, what a wonderful idea! Hey Cathy, do you have a couple of extra skewers?"
Upon catching up, Jacob could hear Peter's request, and so he corrected the Good Doctor by saying, "You mean three extra skewers, don't you?"
Surprised he had caught up so quickly, Peter looked back at Jacob and replied, "Sure, of course we need three! Why? What did I say?"
With an au fait look, Jacob said, "You said a couple, which means two..."
Feigning a sorry look, Peter replied, "Ooops, my bad."
In an effort to shake off the irritation Peter was causing him, Jacob cleared his throat, and kindly asked, "Where did you say the skewers are Catherine?"
Trying to hide her smile as she listened to the two wrangling, she said, "The skewers are over there on the picnic table Father, and there are plenty for everybody."
And as Jacob retrieved two skewers, he handed one to Mary, leaving Peter to ask, "Hey, where's mine?"
To which Jacob replied, "Ooops, this time, MY BAD! The skewers are over there!"
Meanwhile, as Catherine inspected the marshmallow, which was currently on her skewer, she happily said, "For you Vincent, this one is a perfect golden brown!"
With a raised brow, Vincent said, "Very nice, Catherine, but are you aware this makes the sixth most perfect golden brown roasted marshmallow you have given me tonight?"
With a giggle in her voice, Catherine replied, "What can I say, I'm an expert at roasting marshmallows!"
After the bag of marshmallows emptied, a few more tales were told, and giggles were shared, they decided it was time to load up into Peter's truck, and go on the deer spotting expedition.
As Peter hopped into the drivers' seat, he said, "Remember, Mary and Jacob up front with me!"
And so after giving this much thought, Jacob scooted in next to Peter, leaving Mary the spot by the door, which will be...exclusively by him!
As Peter looked at Jacob, he noted, "Well, this is a little odd, normally the lady sits in the middle."
To which Jacob explained, "I merely am trying to prevent your gear shift lever from besetting Mary!"
To which Peter wryly replied, "Jacob...my truck is an automatic!"
So after deciding to let it go, Peter couldn't help but to smile to himself at the cleverness Jacob was displaying, and when he discreetly glanced at his old friend, he saw a hint of smile there too.
Meanwhile, Vincent settled into the bed of the truck, and scooped Catherine protectively to him.
Pascal and Jamie climbed in too, along with Mouse, who would be in charge of the spotlight.
So for communication purposes, Peter opened the sliding window between the cab and bed, so they could talk freely with the thrill seekers in the back."
And so the group headed out across the meadow, where Peter was fairly certain that deer could be found. Parking the truck, they sat quietly and waited. It wasn't long before some crackling could be heard. Under Peter's instruction, Mouse aimed the light in the deers direction, and sure enough, standing tall in all their splendor, were two deer, frozen in the spot-light.
Wanting to make sure his son was looking, Jacob anxiously asked, "Vincent, can you see them?"
With awe, Vincent replied, "Yes, clearly, Father. Magnificent! Counting these two, this makes three deer Catherine and I have seen today."
"Three?" asked Father.
Explaining, Vincent whispered, "Yes, earlier today, right here in the meadow, Catherine and I saw..."
Then Vincent stopped himself, realizing he too had fallen into the trap, just like Catherine did earlier with Mary.
As Jacob looked through the rear view mirror, wondering why Vincent quit talking, he caught Catherine with her finger to her lips, signaling to Vincent to be quiet.
And so Jacob asked, "Yes, yes Vincent, here in the meadow WHAT...OH, err, ah, eh, eh, eh."
It was then, upon pondering the evidence, Jacob realized, "Oh my! They must have been here at the same time Mary and I were here."
Well after hearing Jacob stammer, searching for words, Mouse laughed, saying, "Father talking woodpecker again!"
Meanwhile, in a feeble effort of covering up, Vincent said, "Err, or was it in another meadow Catherine?"
To which Catherine pointed, and said, "I believe it was a different meadow Vincent, it was more overrrrrrrrrrrrr.....THERE!"
Meanwhile, as Jacob and Mary exchanged a knowing glance, knowing they must not have been alone there earlier, he discreetly reached for her hand, and though they continued looking forward, Mary reciprocated with a gentle squeeze. No one else but they were the wiser!
After spotting several more deer, everyone agreed the deer spotting expedition was a success, and so they headed back to the cabin. It was nearly mid-night when everyone unloaded from Peter's truck, exhausted, they all collapsed on the comfy couches inside.
Meanwhile, Peter remained, tying things down and locking up the truck, when Catherine went back out to check on him, and asked, "Do you need some help?"
Looking over, he thankfully said, "No kiddo, just finishing up."
Saddling up next to him, Catherine slyly said, "I can't help but notice you are having a bit of fun with Father this weekend, or is it my imagination?"
With a cocked brow, Peter kept tying down the tarp, and asked, "You noticed huh? I thought I was being subtle."
In reply, Catherine said, "You are, but Vincent and I were privy to something between Father and Mary earlier today, which kinda made us more observant."
Turning to look at her, Peter explained, "Well I will let you in on something, in essence I am providing Jacob with a service, helping him to probe his feelings toward Mary. You see, sometimes we take people for granted, and we don't appreciate them until they are either gone, or no longer available. Well then it's too late!"
"I see." said Catherine, and then she thoughtfully asked, "But have you ever considered you are quite a catch yourself? What if Mary falls for the wrong guy with all this attention?"
To which Peter claimed, "Not possible. You see how she looks at Jacob? No, there is no danger in that."
In a warning manner, Catherine said, "I hope you're right!"
She then turned serious, as she caringly said, "This weekend, how can I thank you for what you have done for Vincent and I, for all of us."
Warmly, Peter said, "You don't have to kiddo. You're my family, and I was glad that stubborn old friend of mine listened to me for once."
He then changed the subject as he noted, "Hey, I'm hungry, how about wrestling us up something to eat."
As they walked back to the cabin arm in arm, it seemed everyone else had the same idea! And so Catherine smiled as she said, "Let's see what I can whip up."
Catherine, rummaged through the fridge, and brought out the ham, salami, cheeses, breads, and a big jar of kosher dills. And after setting everything out, she offered, "Dig in everybody. Let's eat!"
As everyone made their plates, Catherine asked Vincent, "May I get you something to drink?"
In reply, Vincent said that would be very nice.
To which Mouse replied, "Mouse thirsty too Catherine!"
But before Catherine could answer him, Jacob chimed in, "Now Mouse, you are quite capable of getting your own drink!"
With a pout, Mouse replied, "Vincent capable too! Why is it OK for Catherine to help him?"
"Because, Mouse," explained Jacob, "Catherine is Vincent's Catherine! And yes, although Vincent is capable, it is nice to have things done for you by the one you care about. Or in turn, do nice things for them. Do you understand Mouse?"
Mouse lit up, and gleefully said, "Yes! Mouse needs a Catherine too!"
Everyone giggled at Mouse's sweet interpretation of Jacob's words, and Jacob himself, got so caught up in his explanation to Mouse, he hadn't realized he had attracted an audience.
As Catherine looked at Jacob, she had tears in her eyes, as she knew he had finally accepted this bond between her and his unique son. And so as Jacob looked over, he humbly smiled back at her.
Vincent looked on from the corner of the kitchen, and his heart swelled, as he witnessed the sweetest sight he could have imagined. It would appear the two people he cared for the most in this world, were finally on common ground.
Mary's voice broke into Jacob and Catherine's bonding moment, as she shyly asked, "Father, may I get you some hot tea?"
Father looked at Mary and smiled as he said, "That would be very nice Mary."
As everyone settled in on the couches, with their plates by the warm, cozy fire, Jamie said, "I will be sad to leave here tomorrow, it's been a blast!"
To which Pascal agreeably said, "Me too."
With a nod, Mary noted, "And may I say, I have never seen you so relaxed Father! I think you needed this time away, I really do."
They all fell into agreement with Mary, and then as a truce of sorts, Jacob kindly added, "Peter needed a break as well. Yes Doctor, you work way too hard. You have your patients, and your loyalties to us, I don't want you to think you go unappreciated."
Stopping in mid chew, Peter put down his sandwich, and with a surprised look, he said, "Thank you old friend, thank you."
As almost everyone began to retreat, saying they were tired, Vincent suggested, "I want to make sure the bonfire is out. Catherine, care to join me?"
As she stood up, she said, "I would love that. One last chance to star-gaze sounds heavenly."
To be continued
Chapter Six
| Holiday Anyone? By Sharon Holtz Chapter Five |
