Arriving back to the tunnels, Vincent sat at his writing table, silently and sullen within his darkened chamber. With his arms bent, elbows resting on the thick heavy wooden arms of his high-backed chair, he buried his face in his hands.
Yes...the message Joe had left for Catherine on her answering machine, awoke a sleeping giant, that Vincent thought he had put to rest.
However, it now appeared he had not done so after all. For here he sat, contemplating the wisdom behind a union of Catherine’s life, along with his.
As Vincent reached for his pen to write in his journal, he then struck a flint to light his candle. As he watched the flame grow in both brightness, and intensity, he thought of how it mirrored the love he and Catherine shared. Then suddenly and inexplicably the flame snuffed itself out!
With a sweep of his hand, Vincent knocked the candle onto the cold chamber floor! Angrily he stood, shifting his chair forcibly backwards, and as he grabbed his cloak, he bounded from his chamber!
Vincent’s intent was to head back to Catherine’s balcony, wanting to be somewhere he could feel close to her. He hoped being there, would help to dispel these obsessive thoughts. He tried very hard to discount these re-occurring feelings of self-doubt and insecurities he was having, knowing they were all consuming in quality, and they were undermining his resolve, to build a life with Catherine.
Was this to be his fate? Would he have to constantly re-evaluate and reaffirm his self worth, for as long as he lived?
As he traveled through the tunnels, and neared the drainage tunnel opening, he suddenly stopped cold, where he stood, feeling the urge to cry out! He felt so trapped by all of his old feelings, that came flooding over him again.
Does Catherine really know what is best for her? Does she really understand what all she is sacrificing? Wouldn’t she be happier with a man like Joe, living a life she is accustomed to?
The words Joe left on Catherine’s answering machine, haunted Vincent! Catherine WAS changing her whole life around for him! There was no other option for them, not if they wanted to be together. He certainly could never join Catherine in her world.
Vincent knew he, and Catherine had been through this a million times! She has told him many times over, she loved and wanted only him. So why must these thoughts always creep back to taunt his heart?
As he leaned breathlessly against the tunnel wall, he looked at the blazing torch on the opposite wall before him. Grabbing the torch, he proceeded down a long ago abandoned tunnel, where he could think about what was best for his Catherine.
As stealthy as Vincent was, he was not stealthy enough, as he was being tracked by the one person who seemed to be everywhere…Mouse!
He followed Vincent, to an old abandoned storage chamber, where he finally stopped. Mouse thought to himself, “Ok good, now I must go tell Father, Vincent is sad, and Mouse knows where he is!”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jennifer sat crying inside of Catherine’s apartment, knowing if she wouldn’t have been so nosey, this wouldn’t have happened! She didn’t know how Catherine was going to react when she hears what she had done!
As Jennifer grabbed a tissue to blow her nose, she heard the jingling of keys at the door. Catherine smiled as she entered her apartment, juggling her luggage, briefcase and purse!
Cheerfully she squealed, “Oh it feels so good to be back in New York! I am so glad you are here Jenny!”
Slowly Jennifer stood to face Catherine, and when she saw Jennifer’s tears, she became panic-stricken! Catherine ran up to her and asked, “Jen what is it? Has something happened to Vincent?”
Jennifer, nodded and said, “Sorta Cath…oh please don’t be mad at me!”
Catherine took her by the shoulders, and demanded, “What is it Jen, what’s happened?”
Jennifer looked downward and explained, “Vinny must have heard Joe’s message on your answering machine. I was rewinding it when I accidentally hit play, which played the message Joe left you!"
Catherine anxiously asked, "Well tell me Jen! What did Joe have to say in his message?"
Jennifer took a huge gulp, and tearfully answered, "Joe said, he wanted to have a chance at a life with you, and he wants to help you forget about this other guy who is making you change your whole world around, and how he wouldn’t ask you to do that for him, or something like that! Anyway, I heard a sound outside on the balcony, like a chair getting knocked over, and I thought it must be Vinny. Well by the time I went out there, he was gone! He left this gift for you on the patio table. But Cath, he didn’t even say hi or anything, so I am sure he must have heard the tape, and he left here upset!”
Catherine looked upward, as if asking God for guidance. Steadfastly she said to Jennifer, “How long ago this happened!”
Jennifer wept, as she said, “Just about an hour ago.”
Catherine nodded, and then asked, “Can you stay here in case Vincent comes back?”
Guiltily, she cried, “Ye…yes I can Cath.”
Catherine put her arms around her upset, inquisitive friend, and assuredly said, “Jen, it’s OK. I will find him.”
A snuffling Jennifer, looked at Catherine, as she asked, “You are not mad at me?”
Catherine took the tissue, and sopped up the mascara-laden tears from Jennifer’s cheeks, and said, “No of course not Jen, I know it was an accident, and you didn’t mean any harm. Now though, I do need your help. Would you please call Joe and tell him I am safely home, and make sure he received my fax? I am concerned because Agnes' fax transmission timed out. If he did not get it, then tell him to come over and you will give him the depo from my briefcase. And let me see, oh yes, please call Willie too.”
Catherine could see how upset Jennifer was, and wanted to calm her as she said, “If you want to, you can just bunk here for the night. Fix yourself some Tea, and have some of your favorite cookies, Pecan Sandies, I have them in my cookie jar.”
Sheepishly Jennifer admitted, “Yes I know…I ate them already!”
Catherine smiled at her, and said, “I have more in the bread box. When I get home I will tell you everything.”
Then Catherine cautiously added, “Now if I have trouble calming Vincent, I may need to stay the night there.”
Jennifer understood, and said, “I’ll stay Cath, and please tell Vinny, I am really sorry.”
Catherine slipped her jeans on, and then packed a few things in a bag, including Vincent’s welcome home gift to her. She turned to Jennifer, and told her, “Now don’t worry, everything is going to be fine.”
As Catherine headed for the tunnels, she hoped what she told Jennifer was true. That everything was going to be all right! All Catherine knew, was she wanted to get there before Vincent slipped too deeply, into his dark side, where his insecurities would make him so very hard to reach.
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As Catherine stepped inside the tunnel, the huge metal door slid closed behind her. The tunnel was quite a bit darker with the absence of the torch Vincent had removed. As she walked along in the darkness, she was nearly knocked over by Mouse, who was racing to report to Father!
Happily, Catherine said, “Mouse, thank goodness its you! Have you seen Vincent?”
Breathlessly, Mouse replied, “Yes I followed Vincent…he is sad Catherine…very sad.”
Catherine anxiously asked him, “Can you take me to him Mouse…I need to go to him.”
Vigilantly, he said, “I should tell Father first…”
On the verge of frustrated anger, Catherine pleaded, “Mouse please! At least tell me where to go!”
Mouse contemplated what he should do! Then finally, he said, “Walk that way for ½ mile that will take you to him.”
Catherine breathlessly thanked Mouse, and pulling her flashlight from her bag, she ventured down the old abandoned tunnel.
As Catherine neared the old storage chamber, she could see the torches light flickering, and reflecting off the opposite tunnel wall.
Just as Catherine was about 10 feet from the chamber’s entrance, she was stunned, as Vincent stepped out into the tunnel, to face her. With tears streaming down his face, he softly said, “Catherine, I could feel you were near.”
Catherine ran into his arms and said, “I am so glad to be home!”
As she hugged him, it was a moment before Vincent responded, and brought his arms up around her.
Catherine felt his hesitancy, and as she looked up at Vincent, she told him, "I missed you so much.”
Vincent’s breath trembled as he whispered, “I missed your nearness, more than you can know. I am thankful you are safely home.”
As Vincent released Catherine from his embrace, he then grimly added, “You shouldn’t have come here.”
Catherine looked back at him, and sternly said, “I wanted to see you." She then hesitated a moment, before she revealed, “Vincent…I want you to know I understand why you are upset, Jen told me you may have overheard Joe’s message.”
Vincent looked upward, and admitted, “Yes Catherine his words, have changed things, changed everything. I am able to see US more clearly now.”
Catherine stood back as she said, “His words? Vincent, Joe and I have a very special friendship, and he is just feeling a little confused right now. I know him Vincent, these feeling will blow over. Don’t let his message upset you so.”
Vincent stood with his head sorrowfully bent, as he spoke, “Your nearness clouds my vision. When you are near me, I am guided not only by my love for you, but I am ruled by my passion as well. In your absence, I could clearly assess where we stand. In that wisdom I could see you would be better off without me in your life, you could live a full and a complete life with a man like Joe.”
Catherine hugged Vincent, as she laid her head against his breaking heart. She then said, “You do complete my life. If you turn me away, and make me leave you, I would not run to Joe, to Elliot, or to any other man. I would wait for you to come back to me...wait for you to remember all we mean to each other.”
She stepped back from him, as she then said, “And Vincent, if our souls are not united during our lifetime here on earth, then I won’t despair, because I know the love we share is eternal and will never die. I would then look forward to that time when we enter another place, where love is pure, and untainted by insecure thoughts, and fears. A place where our hearts may be united again.”
Catherine confidently added, “I do remember something you yourself had just told me, something it seems you have forgotten. When you quoted Dylan Thomas to me, you recited, “Though lovers be lost love shall not; and death shall have no dominion” Those words touched me, and I believe them. Vincent...you lead me to believe you did too.”
Catherine turned and then stepped into the old storage Chamber, and as she captured his beautiful tear laden eyes with her own, she told him, “I will wait for you inside this chamber Vincent. Come to me if you decide to allow me to share my life with you here in your world.”
Vincent stood helpless, and outsmarted. Catherine spoke her heart in such a way that would make Vincent out a villain, who had broken Catherine’s heart, instead of an unselfish martyring man, who is trying to do what is best for the woman he loved.
Catherine sat inside the chamber, for what seemed like forever, waiting and wondering what Vincent was going to do.”
To be continued
Chapter Thirteen
| Dreams of Gold! By Sharon Holtz Chapter Twelve |
